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| Spring racing in scotland. Gales, snow and ice. I want to emigrate. |
‘Its always winter in
Narnia – always winter but never Christmas’
The Lion the Witch and Wardrobe – CS Lewis
‘This is the way the
world ends, Not with a bang, but with a whimper’
The Hollowmen, TS Eliot
During a long day on the bike, and there have been few, your
mind tends to wander a bit. ‘What do you think about when you are cycling for
so long?’ Is not an uncommon question. If I am honest I find it very difficult
to have any productive thoughts when I am cycling. I come back no wiser after a
bike ride than before. There are seldom any insights to be had. When I get
fatigued I find even the simplest of arithmetic difficult – like how long it will
take me to cycle the last few miles home. Any thoughts deeper than what I’m
going to have for dinner are pretty useless. Today I found myself trying to figure out what chocolate
eggs have to do with Easter. The only thing I could come up with was eggs were
a symbol of the stone that Jesus rolled back from his cave – hence why you roll
eggs down a hill. Which is, of
course, total nonsense. Then I realised I was so cold that I had better pedal
harder to warm up.
I get suckered every year. Every. Single. Year. We have a
beautiful couple of days in late February or early March and I proclaim to all
who are willing to listen that winter is over. In a flurry of excitement I wake
the hibernating summer bike from its slumber and get it dusted down, apply new
handlebar tape, give it a polish and a smear of oil and make sure the tyres are
pumped up, tight as a drum. I
rummage in the depths of my cupboard and pull out the short sleeved cycling
tops that have not seen daylight since September. No sooner have I prepped the
steed, and organised my summer wardrobe than winter swoops back in and bullies
the infant Spring into submission. Every year it happens, and every year I fall
for it. When will I learn?
This March has been particularly cruel. When will winter
piss off? I have had more than enough already. Whatever point winter is making,
it has made it loud and clear, beat it and let the spring have a say. It seems
like we have had snow every day this month. Every race I have entered in March
has either fallen to the weather, has been re-routed or has been subject to a
late ‘pitch inspection’. Conditions have been tough, to say the least.
Cycling in the snow is not easy. Aside from the fact that it
is cold and all exposed skin gets a stinging sandblast. Vision is difficult
too, if you wear glasses then the snow sticks to them and you can’t see
properly. If you remove your ‘bins’ you get snow in your eyes, which is
uncomfortable, and you cant see properly. You can always keep your head down to
shelter from the snow, but then you can’t see properly. The only (imperfect)
solution I have found is to close your left eye, move your head 45 degrees to
your right in the hope that your nose and your eyebrows afford your right eye
some shelter from the snow. There
are numerous problems with this approach, the main one being that you have
limited depth perception, a serious handicap when on fast moving bike.
Secondly, one closed eye and a contorted face can give on coming traffic the
impression of a lascivious wink. A fully grown man in lycra winking at passers
by in the snow is probably grounds enough to get you on the ‘register’.
I don’t have a big nose, so there is limited shelter to be
had when hiding behind it. In short, no matter what you do, when it snows, you
can’t really see properly.
It’s all relative though, I guess. The beast that is this
March has been magnified by the beauty of 12 months ago. This time last year we
were in the middle of a heat wave. I remember marshalling the annual
Nightingale APR in shorts, t-shirts and flip flops. Although a beautiful March
was followed by a wash out until August. I am not sure what is worse.
The Lake APR was held last weekend. This is one of the two
races that my club (The Glasgow Nightingale) put on annually. It takes a big
effort to put a race on and it involves large numbers of the club members
turning out to help. Most of these guys don’t race, so they really are doing
something for little return. I managed to get a start in the race. Given that I
should have been helping put the race on, I am very grateful for.
An APR (Australian Pursuit Race – no idea where the name
comes from) is a handicap race. Other races that I have been involved in are
ranked so that you are always in with a category of other riders who are of
roughly the same standard. In an APR anyone can enter, however each rider is
handicapped, roughly according to ability. The weaker riders in the race get a
head start and the strongest riders set off last. As ever with cycling, but
perhaps more so in an APR, you are both competing against, and dependent upon
those in your group, which gives it an interesting dynamic. If you work together
you stand a chance of holding off the better riders and catching those who set
off first. If the handicaps are calculated well, then the whole race should
come together towards the closing stages.
The conditions for the race were tough. There was a very
strong, cold wind blowing. There was snow piled high on the sides of the road. It
was barely above freezing but when you added in the wind chill factor it felt
nearer -4. The route was 2 laps of a circuit so there were headwinds, tailwinds
and cross winds to deal with and as a result the race blew apart very quickly
with riders scattered across the course.
I was riding well and feeling strong, we were working fairly
well as a bunch, with each rider taking a turn on the front. The pace was high
and as a result a number of our group had been shelled out the back. Whilst at
the back of the bunch I snatched a look round to see the scratch group (aka
‘the big boys’) off in the distance, approaching fast like the cavalry in a
western pursuing the hero outlaws. The tactics of the race change somewhat when
it becomes inevitable that you will be caught. Rather than battling to stay
away from the bunch you start thinking about conserving some energy, then
jumping on the back of the bunch as it comes past.
When our group turned a corner I glanced back again to see
the scratch group almost upon us. I turned round to find that the bike in front
of me was not where I expected it to be. We touched wheels and the next thing I
knew I was lying in a ditch on the side of the road staring at a leaden sky.
Whilst I was contemplating life and the universe the scratch
group roared silently past. I didn’t even notice that they had over taken me
until I had untangled myself from my bike and looked up the road to see my
group scattered across the road in the wake of the cavalry charge.
I quickly checked all appendages to make sure nothing was missing
from either the tumble, or the cold. Then jumped back on my bike. Its much
harder cycling on your own than in a bunch, so your only hope is a short hard
effort to try and get back. If you don’t make it back within a few minutes then
it is likely that you’re not going to and your afternoon will probably be over.
I managed to hold the group to the same distance away for a time, before they
started to pull away.
I gave them up for lost and settled into my own rhythm,
hoping that I could perhaps pick up a few stragglers and form a group to help
with the long ride home.
Then a group of about 10 riders came up fast behind me. I
jumped on their tails and settled in for the ride. Within about 3 miles 10 had
become 5 and the pace had started to quicken. It was eye balls out and chew the
bars type stuff. These guys had originally been in the scratch group but had
been caught cold by an early attack and were themselves trying to get back to
the head of the race. They were a class or two (or four) above me and I
wasn’t able to contribute much to the chase. My main focus had become holding onto
the contents of my stomach. In my mind not throwing up on my new riding pals
was contribution enough, although I didn’t feel that this sacrifice was fully
appreciated! It was a case of grim survival for me. If my heart hadn’t been concentrating
on not exploding through my chest, then she would have been lifted by the sight
of my original group just up ahead. Alas I was cooked by then, and was yo-yoing
off the back of the chase group. With each ‘yo’ it became more and more
difficult to get back to the shelter of a back wheel. When we were within about
20 yards of the bunch ahead the elastic finally snapped. As my new amigos
breezed through the larger group, I was left in no mans land, desperately
trying to close the gap on my own. Despite turning myself inside out the gap
stayed at a stubborn 20 yards. Then I blew completely. I was about 3 miles from home, but I
had nothing left, I limped home on my own. This is the way the race would end, not
with a bang but a whimper.
There are positives though. I later found out that the group
I was in contained ex pros and Scottish champions. Exulted company. There is no
shame being busted by riders that much better than me.
I mainly cycle with a blank mind, simply concentrating on
the immediate task at hand. Occasionally thoughts do come other than easter
eggs and the scripture. Today I wondered if Bradley Wiggins was the complete
cyclist. It wasn’t his multiple track gold medals, or his TdF victory, or his
Knighthood that confirmed my decision that he was. No, as I ploughed through
Newport on Tay in what felt like a blizzard, I realised that he had the gift of
an unnaturally large nose, probably the biggest in the professional peleton.
That surely gives him a competitive advantage. Especially if he were to race in
the Tour of Narnia.
The clocks go back this weekend, everything is now set for
summer to start. Light nights mean less time on the turbo and more in the open
air. Cycling can start to be fun again. But then according to TS Eliot, it is
April, not March that is the cruellest month. So maybe it will get worse before
it gets better.
I’m off to console myself with an Easter egg and await some
divine inspiration.
From St Andrews
N
PS A huge thanks to Scott Smith for organising the APR and
the purvey afterwards. Great effort Scott. Looking forward to seeing you back
on the bike.
If you would like to sponsor me then you can do so here:
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